Foreign Transitions...

It's interesting to me that even though I've finished all my treatments, have had clear scans (2009 is already starting off on a grand note), and all the information, knowledge and perspective I've acquired over the last 8 months of my life, I still do not feel quite "normal" yet. I'm reflecting upon all this currently, and I've come to some conclusions that I hope will benefit you too. Hodgkin's swooped in sooo uninvited and unexpected that my life was turned upside down for a while. It's like I got a crash course in life and all it's grandness and ever-present finish line that we all someday will reach: death.  Then, before I knew it, I was finished with chemotherapy and I received the most beautiful news I had yet ever heard: clear scans!!! WOOHOO!! Then I had a visit with my wonderful oncologist and passed that with flying colors, made an appointment to go back to see her in 3 months, and suddenly I was released back into life. It really was a mixed transition for me. Yes, I feel elated and blessed and ever-so-grateful, but I also feel a little lost. So I've decided to stay a little lost for a while longer. At the beginning of this whole ordeal, I figured I would rush back to work and return back to the "normal" me before all this had began. Now I've had a change of heart. Elijah and I have decided to take some time for ourselves and get away for a while. Much like a pregnant woman takes time for herself after giving birth, I too am going to give my body some time to figure it all out all over again. I want my body to heal from within soundly and strongly. And I've decided to not give myself a hard time about this. I guess my point is this: life is ever-changing, ever moving forward so move with it, not against it. You might not feel or look or think like the person you were before cancer, and there is nothing abnormal or wrong with that. Just be open to being a little lost and run with it...