* * * * *

Photo courtesy French Elle

"Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see..."

-John Lennon

Pretty Inspiring!

Photo courtesy of The Sartorialist

I was browsing through The Sartorialist when I came upon this lovely picture & quote:

"I was chit-chatting with Susan after I took this picture and mentioned that I thought her hair was sooo beautiful-her best feature. She said thanks and added that she had lost her hair once because of cancer. She now purposely keeps it long because she feels it is such a gift to have it back and, for her, a sign of life."

Love Yourself

Photo courtesy of Cheri Messerli

The Beatles knew what they were talking about when they sang "All You Need is Love." The ancient Chinese believed that the most powerful energy is white energy, or, love energy. Although "love" can be seen as a frilly word that we use to express intense emotion or feelings, we cannot underestimate it's healing powers. It is powerful beyond anything else, and if we can shed as much love on ourselves as we possibly can, our healing brightens. Let love in. Let it shine it's bright white energy through you and fill you up to the brim. 

I finished my very last treatment this past Thursday. It was humbling, liberating, exhilarating and  mostly, full of love. As I sat waiting for the last of the chemo to pass through the I.V. and through my veins, I couldn't help but look around me and see love everywhere. I honestly believe that love carried me through this ordeal, from the very beginning to the very last drop. I hope that you too can let it in and feel the brightening and lifting of your spirit. That is something cancer can never touch. 

* * * * *

Photo courtesy of Barneys NY

"Let's stop feeling sorry for ourselves. It's not attractive."

-Angelica Houston, Darjeeling Limited

Jose Ramirez

Jose Ramirez is not just a phlebotomist at Tower Oncology, he is the phlebotomist. I feel the need to share a little about this phenomenal man with you and all that he has done for me. He truly is a remarkable human being. First of all, he never misses an IV start. It's pretty incredible. He gets your vein on the first shot, every time. Legend has it at Tower that he once started an IV in the dark! Another one echoed is that he could start an IV on a tomato! Yes, he is that incredible and needless to say, always very busy at Tower. Besides his meticulousness, he did something else for me which I can never forget. He gave me strength when I needed it the most. You see, I never got a port because in the beginning of my diagnosis, I was only supposed to only get 4 treatments and due to my young age, we figured that my veins could handle it (I later went on to have 6 treatments because I passed up radiation for more chemo--more about this for another post). However, the very first day of chemo, I was overwhelmed with a combination of fear, anxiety, stress and mostly, a deep sadness. I felt lost. I felt like I needed to show everyone that I was strong, however I didn't feel an ounce of strength. After Dr. Dunhill did her examination, I had a moment to myself in the exam room with my boyfriend, Elijah. We both just sat there. Afraid. Speechless. I just could not muster up the courage to walk through the door and to the treatment area. And I could tell that my dear Elijah felt just as lost. So I did what I resort to whenever I feel this dispirited: I started to cry. Tears kept flowing over and running down my cheeks. There was no stopping them. Elijah too. He had them coming down his cheeks. And then, before I knew it, Jose popped his head in the room and simply asked "Is everything OK in here?" and stepped into the room. How he knew to come in is beyond me, for I turned my back to him immediately and told him I was fine but just "needed a minute." Unknown to me at the time, however, was just how badly I did need Jose at that very moment. He sat me down and asked me what the matter was. I told him everything: my fears, concerns, sadness, you name it. I even mentioned my apprehensiveness with needles and the fear that my IV wouldn't be solid and the chemo would leak into my arm and cause damage (did I mention I have a very vivid imagination). He immediately told me "I never miss a vein, so your fear about the chemo leaking can be put aside." Then he looked me straight in the eyes very steadily and said the most important thing that I have learned from this entire experience: "Life is life, and whatever comes your way, you just have to roll with it." I suddenly snapped out of my head-space and realized that he was right. Life is life. And granted, you cannot control what happens, so when life happens, you might as well roll with it the best you can.  My tears dried up instantly. Elijah looked like he had a wave of relief wash over his face too. Then Jose told me that no matter how busy things got, he would always make time for me to start my IV so that I need not worry. He has held to that ever since. And the most amazing thing about all of this, is he is the most modest man. I have to say I tell him I love him every time I see him, and to that, he just smiles and gives me the biggest hug. After he started my IV that day, and left the room, I was able to grab Elijah's hand and walk through the door for my first infusion. Calmly, confidently and at peace, I learned a life lesson that day. I dedicate this post to Jose Ramirez, a master at his craft and a guru in disguise...

* * * * *

Photo courtesy of Elle

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine. We were born to make manifest the glory that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

-Marianne Williamson

When you least expect it...

Sometime, when you least expect it, a friend will show up on your doorstep with a bouquet of carrots (for juicing of course!) and a pretty little envelope filled with treasures. And perhaps on that very same day, another friend will pick you up for dinner and take you to a cozy lil' restaurant to share good wine, a delicious dinner, and an incredibly nourishing heart-to-heart. The conversation will last late into the night and you will go home feeling love and inspiration and joy. It can shake off any feelings of negativity, doubt, or sadness. You might wake up anxious one day knowing that you have treatment, only to find that when you open your door, a friend has left you a copy of your very favorite magazine on the doorstep to take with you. Or maybe you get a card in the mail just to remind you how incredible you're doing and how much you're thought of and loved. Perhaps on a more emotional day, the person with you will know it and kiss you on the cheek so dearly so that you know everything is ok. Just remember to take it all in. So much love is all around you, me, always. It is to these individuals that I'd like to dedicate this post to. You guys have made all the difference in my recovery and have given me the strength to draw upon. My pillars. My Heavens. My loves. My heart thanks you.

* * * * *

Photo courtesy of Punch Studio

"The gift you offer another person is just your being."

-Ram Dass

Colace & Miralax

This is definitely not the most elegant of subjects, however, I want to share as much as I can in hopes of helping, so here we go! One of the major side effects of chemotherapy is... (drum roll please) ...constipation. Not fun, nor a very graceful subject, I know. At first, I didn't really realize what constipation really entailed. That didn't last very long. I tried the natural approach in the beginning through my diet (hello grapes and cherries) and laxative herbal tea. That didn't last very long either and I desperately needed to find a solution. Here is what worked and continues to work for me: Miralax in the morning, and Colace (I actually use Phillips' Stool Softener) at night. This seems to do wonders. I take both for the first week after treatment, and then alternate every other day with one or the other until my next treatment. I've been doing this about three quarters of my treatments and so far so good. I hope that this helps. (Always check with your doctor before taking anything).

* * * * *

Photo courtesy of Robert Doisneau

"Whenever something starts, it's the right time.

Whomever shows up is exactly who should show up.

Whatever happens is the only thing that could happen.

When it's over, it's over."

-Arlene Butler

* * * * *

Photo courtesy of A.P.C.

"Waking up this morning, I smile.

Twenty-four brand new hours are before me.

I vow to live fully in each moment

and to look at all beings with eyes of compassion."

-traditional Buddhist gatha